I have conceded defeat
It has been a really tough week for me.
I have conceded defeat.
I am severely depressed. I have felt myself slipping further down the black hole over the last three weeks. I have tried to drag myself from this pit of darkness without the help of medications but I can't do it.
I cry at anything and everything. I no longer get any joy from anything that I do. I am not eating. I am not sleeping.
I took myself to see my specialist who has been treating me for depression since the birth of our first child. I have not seen him for 18 months and have been unmedicated for just under two years.
I hate this. I don't want to go back onto meds. I don't like feeling as though I have once again failed.
But truth is I simply cannot cope. I cannot cope with the basic day to day tasks of everyday living. I cannot focus. My mind is a whirlpool of emotions and thoughts that keep me on edge.
I am a mess. My life is a mess.
I need clarity. I need peace. I need rest.
posted by kissmekate at 11:14 pm
11 Comments:
Its okay to ask for help. It doesn't mean you have failed. Everybody needs help from time to time.
We all care and hope you feel better.
Do whatever it takes to make yourself feel better. It will get bettter!!!Good luck.
How is this defeat? You know that something is "not right", so you're seeking out help and getting back on medication. You're TAKING CONTROL before it controls you.
very true, kate. My mom has been on anti depressants since my father passed away. That's 7 years now. She told me that I should also seek help because I've been depressed since my husband left me 7 months ago.
It's not about failure - it's just a disorder - like Diabetes. If you have it, and you need meds to control it, you must take them. That's not failure.
And who WANTS to be on meds. No one does, but you just have to do what is needed to take care of yourself. Just keep trying until you find the right one.
It's not defeat, it's taking care of yourself! Hold your head up and stand tall because you took a big step by going to the doctor's and getting some help!
Hope you have a better day!
I am so sorry to hear of your emotional trauma. A few thoughts, first your feelings are not you. Your feelings may be in turmoil, but you yourself are not defeated, you are a valuable human being. You have friends who care.
You have been through a lot, it will take time to heal. This healing will need your husband’s involvement. He should participate in any therapy or marital counseling. The counselor who understands your stress needs to deal with your husband and forcing him to confront his feelings.
He can’t just blurt out “I love someone else” and skip away peacefully while you try to deal with this terrible blow. He needs to understand that it is unfair to you to allow another “love” to interfere with this long term established love. He needs to rise up to the challenge, be responsible, and cut off his affair all the way. Oh yeah, he may feel some pain in doing that, but that is what he owes you. Rather than you having a big confrontation, a joint therapy program should be employed to allow him to understand his responsibility.
Very best wishes. Take care of yourself. Let us know where we can help.
Medication is certainly not defeat or failure. It is a proactive choice. I wish you only the best and will pray for your health and happiness.
My wife felt the same way when she decided to go back on her meds. But the time we had together with her off the meds wasn't good. She felt like a failure. But once she was back on them, things improved dramatically. Now she is able to view them just as something she takes to stay healthy, like vitamins.
Hang in there and hope you are already feeling better.
You have good friends, with wise words here. Heed them. If you had cancer, would you not treat it? Depression can certainly feel like a cancer, can’t it?
YOu need Tim Tams from Ramblin' Rose!
And a hug!
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