Puppet on a string

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up
and your eyes ahead
with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight .
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns if you get too much
so you plant a garden and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers .
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...


--Veronica A. Shoffstall


I found this poem on another website and could not help but think how this could be written about me.

I began to learn that his uncommitted involvement with me was chaining my soul and not the loving act of 'holding hands'.

I began to learn that his love was without meaning and that his company was on his terms.

I began to learn that I was his habit and I accepted that I was not his pleasure.

When he told me he was still in love with her, I conceded defeat and started to make plans for myself, plans that did not include him.

I began to travel the path of today not knowing where tomorrow was going to take me.

Everytime he walked away I held my head a little higher.

And with every goodbye I travelled that path a little further.

I learned that he did not want me. I learned that he is capable of betraying me. I learned that he was so willing to tell the most amazing lies about me and to me.

I learned he held no respect for me and repeatedly took me for granted.

I learned that I have too much self respect to stay in a relationship where I am used. I learned that I am worthy of unconditional love. I learned that I deserve to be loved unconditionally and without the fear of having my lover, my best friend, my soul mate, stray when things become rocky between us.

I learned to be strong again, to stand on my own two feet, to not allow myself to be where he wanted me to be. I learned not to be a puppet on a string.

I learned that I can travel the path alone. I learned that I do not need the love of someone that is so willing to push me aside when it suits his purpose. I learned that he expected me to be his option, whilst he remained my priority.

I wonder if I have learned too much?