Fear of the unknown
I love shopping! I am a shopaholic! I am addicted to searching for that absolute bargain that you simply have to purchase or the absolutely gorgeous outfit and matching pair of shoes, or the perfect painting for the living room wall.
Charlie and I went shopping over the weekend to the major shopping centre in our local area, the same shopping centre that I have been going to for the last 8 years, the same shopping centre that I know the location of every business, bank, service and bathroom, the same shopping centre that houses my jeweller, beautician and hairdresser, the same shopping centre where I do both my personal banking and business banking, the same shopping centre Charlie and I do our grocery shopping.
Many of the business owners and customer service people know me by name. They see me and they ask how I am. They ask how my children are by name. Even the lady at the major chain store that checks bags as you leave knows my name!
And yet for some reason, whilst shopping with Charlie and our children, I felt so uncomfortable walking around that centre. Suddenly I could not wait to get out of the very shopping centre that has seen many lunches and coffees with friends, laughs and smiles with my husband and children, and many special gifts purchased for family and friends.
As Charlie and I sat in the food court with our children and ate lunch, I kept scanning the food court. I did not understand at the time what it was that I was looking for. But I suddenly realised what it was and nearly choked on a mouthful of food.
I was fearful of running into the Mistress.
She really has no reason to be in this shopping centre as she lives on the other side of town. However, I would not be at all surprised that her obsession would bring her shopping to my local centre in the hope of running into me or Charlie.
At first I did not know why I was fearful of running into her because she does not frighten me. I was trying to work out why I was fearful when it suddenly dawned on me.
I was afraid of the unknown.
I was afraid because I did not know how I would react to her if indeed I did run into her.
Would I acknowledge her? Would I even recognise her? Would I simply walk away? Would I be overcome with emotion? Would I react in a negative way due to the emotion? Or would I just keep my head held high like I have all along whilst dealing with the Mistress’ irrational and unnecessary behaviour?
How would she react? How would Charlie react? How would they react toward each other?
It saddens me to think that something I enjoyed and loved has now become tainted because of a tainted love.
It sickens me to know that I am the person that pays everyday when merely carrying out everyday things such as shopping.
It pains me to have to feel so much pain for crimes that I did not commit.
I wonder if I will ever be able to wander aimlessly through a shopping centre again, my mind totally free from these consuming thoughts.
Charlie and I went shopping over the weekend to the major shopping centre in our local area, the same shopping centre that I have been going to for the last 8 years, the same shopping centre that I know the location of every business, bank, service and bathroom, the same shopping centre that houses my jeweller, beautician and hairdresser, the same shopping centre where I do both my personal banking and business banking, the same shopping centre Charlie and I do our grocery shopping.
Many of the business owners and customer service people know me by name. They see me and they ask how I am. They ask how my children are by name. Even the lady at the major chain store that checks bags as you leave knows my name!
And yet for some reason, whilst shopping with Charlie and our children, I felt so uncomfortable walking around that centre. Suddenly I could not wait to get out of the very shopping centre that has seen many lunches and coffees with friends, laughs and smiles with my husband and children, and many special gifts purchased for family and friends.
As Charlie and I sat in the food court with our children and ate lunch, I kept scanning the food court. I did not understand at the time what it was that I was looking for. But I suddenly realised what it was and nearly choked on a mouthful of food.
I was fearful of running into the Mistress.
She really has no reason to be in this shopping centre as she lives on the other side of town. However, I would not be at all surprised that her obsession would bring her shopping to my local centre in the hope of running into me or Charlie.
At first I did not know why I was fearful of running into her because she does not frighten me. I was trying to work out why I was fearful when it suddenly dawned on me.
I was afraid of the unknown.
I was afraid because I did not know how I would react to her if indeed I did run into her.
Would I acknowledge her? Would I even recognise her? Would I simply walk away? Would I be overcome with emotion? Would I react in a negative way due to the emotion? Or would I just keep my head held high like I have all along whilst dealing with the Mistress’ irrational and unnecessary behaviour?
How would she react? How would Charlie react? How would they react toward each other?
It saddens me to think that something I enjoyed and loved has now become tainted because of a tainted love.
It sickens me to know that I am the person that pays everyday when merely carrying out everyday things such as shopping.
It pains me to have to feel so much pain for crimes that I did not commit.
I wonder if I will ever be able to wander aimlessly through a shopping centre again, my mind totally free from these consuming thoughts.
posted by kissmekate at 9:57 am
9 Comments:
Kill the mistress! Not literally of course!
You are keeping her alive. I know you'll never forget what happened, but don't victimise yourself needlessly.
If you've not run into her in the past few months, maybe you never will.
So have a plan just in case. Have that visualisation tucked away in your mind on the off chance that it's needed. If it happens you will have already lived it and you will have the power over the situation.
You will hold your head high and you will keep walking. It's YOUR shopping centre, and she will not phase you!
i ran into herpes girl one new years eve at MY LOCAL SHOPS, I was not the one who betrayed me, I was not the one spreading herpes across the australian Hills or pinching my best mates boyfriend SHE WAS, I walked past her and looked her straight in the eye, yes she had him but I was clean of guilt,SHE lowered HER eyes as we approached, HOLD your head up high Kate, we are not the ones who should be ashamed !!
manfa and Lara.....you are both absolutely right.
I am going shopping.
Where's Charlie's credit card???
Hahaha...Go girl! Go get stuck into those post christmas bargains!
Time heals all Kate. Don't give up, don't let her win. You keep your head up high. You keep shopping.
Don't give her any power...
This is your life and your marriage. I know it will take time...I just am looking forward to the day that you are a whole happy person again!!
kate you will definitely get there. You'll be whole and happy soon. I don't think that your husband will go back to the mistress, and it doesn't seem like the mistress will look for your husband either. I imagine that a public failed attempt is enough to make someone hide in hole.
I completely understand all of this. Even now, not only do I often scan people in the store, but I also scan the streets, because I've passed her so many times on the road.
I'm sorry something you enjoy so much has been tainted. Infidelity affects absolutely every area of your life, doesn't it?
Hey guys,
I had a ball shopping and picked up some great bargains. I might do a post with piccies soon to show you my bargains!
Even purchased a new couch!
Oh yeah!
And I got that piercing that I wanted too, along with a couple more piercings! And I didn't even use the voucher that Charlie gave me so now I have to get a tattoo in order tio use that voucher ;-)
BUGGER!!!!
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