"I never considered myself a mistress"
I was reading one of my favourite blogs and came across a very interesting comment written by the mistress.
"Although, I've said it before and I'll say it again, I never considered myself a mistress as the man in question was separated from his wife."
Interesting! Very interesting!
Let’s examine this statement a little more closely.
My husband met his mistress in November and became involved with her sexually in December.
Weeks later in January my husband and I went on our usual summer holiday and had a great time with our children. We also celebrated my birthday in January by staying in the Presidential Suite of a 5 star hotel and going hot air ballooning, all arranged as a surprise by my husband that had supposedly left me. I have wonderful photos of both of these occasions, like the sunrise on this post.
Another interesting thing is a comment the mistress left on my husband's blog in February in relation to a post that he had written. The mistress has always had a smart mouth and received many comments from other readers.
Looking back at the comments she used to write on his blog, it was very obvious she had a thing for my husband. It was not only noticeable to me but other readers as well. One reader wrote about her having a thing for Charlie to which she responded something along the lines of "Last I knew was that 'Charlie' was married."
It astounds me how she can one day see him as being married and then the next she sees him as being seperated and available. I am at a loss to know how to describe the period between December and end of April when my husband was still sleeping in OUR bed in OUR home, but in the mistress’s mind he was separated! I guess if one is so prepared to live a life of lies, then one is also prepared to tell lies to suit their own purpose.
So when did my husband move out of the matrimonial home and bed? Well he never really moved out of our bed, but he sort of moved out of the home at the end of April.
In April my husband went on an interstate trip. The mistress accompanied him for less than 24 hours and when my husband returned 10 days later, she had conveniently organised a new residence for him to move into. She organised share accommodation for my husband with the male partner of one of her work colleagues.
The ironic part of this situation is that this male had been kicked out of his place of residence because he had an affair on the mistress’ work colleague!
My husband has since told me that the mistress was so desperate for my husband to move out that she used to send him emails with the details of residences for lease near her suburb. Sometimes she would even send him properties that were available in the same unit complex!
Talk about desperate! She wanted it so badly that she tried to do it all for him. Well I guess you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink, can you?
And the second part of the comment is also very interesting.
"What is sad, is when people blog to defame others. That's what the "wife" did to me. She managed to trawl the internet to find other "scorned women" to join her cause. This resulted in me being harassed and abused via email and my blog by a bunch of women who had never met me, and didn't really know the true story."
Definition of ‘defame’ from www.thefreedictionary.com :
“To damage the reputation, character, or good name of by slander or libel”
How can someone defame an unidentified person? No-one who read my old blog knew who the mistress was, apart from those that the mistress contacted directly to have a go at me, and the friends of the mistress that she directed to my blog.
And when the truth is told you can't defame someone. So my response is : "SUE ME!"
So how can I be held responsible for the position the mistress found herself in? I find this situation rather amusing that she tried her hardest to have a go at me and in the process pissed off a lot of people in blog land. She set out to deliberately cause problems for me by directly commenting on my supporters blog, therefore identifying herself. She stalked me through blogland and went on her own little rampage only to have it backfire on her.
I am NOT responsible for supposed harassment and abuse. If you want to put your email address out there with nasty remarks then you have to expect something back. You want to attack people then you have to expect some ill feeling.
And further more….."trawl the internet to find other ‘scorned women’ to join her cause”.
I think the green eyed monster has struck! She was always extremely jealous of the number of readers I had on my blog!
posted by kissmekate at 11:44 am
51 Comments:
I don't know why she outted herself on High Desert Diva's blog. I haven't a clue why she would name herself and draw attention to the whole thing.
I wonder, though, how do you know that your husband didn't tell her that he was looking for a place to move to? You don't think he'd really tell you that he actually was, right?
I think it's important to look at the situation from all angles. Your husband played his part. If from the beginning he was resisting her advances and telling her to go away, then there wouldn't have been an affair.
Oh my oh my!! I'm soo sorry for all that you have gone thru!!!
It astounds me that women dont respect each other enough to understand boundaries.. such as a man is married... respect hiswife and stay away no matter what he says....
Hi anon and Rose.
anon - my husband has been honest with me in that he stated it was 50/50 pursuing each other. He has also stated to me that if she was not around he would have worked on his marriage.
Fact remains he had an affair. This cannot be changed. I know my husband well enough to know that he would never look at moving into a place in her area because he works on the other side of town and he would not move too far away from his children and workplace.
Rose I don't think I will ever understand that either. It really is beyond me!
so kiss me kate..
How do you deal with the fact that you live in the same state as this woman??
Have you taken back your hubs? I found her blog via HDD after going thru the commentsand she seems like a real piece of work who is in denial and on her blog it says she is married... with three kids or maybe i misread that...
She commented on that blog because she is an ATTENTION SEEKER!
She don't care if she has to victimise herself to get it, aslong as she has the attention her sick mind is happy it would appear
Your husband should be extremely grateful he has been given any opportunity to win his marriage back, some are not so lucky.
My Gawd the things desparate women go through just to get a man! You'd think she would get some sort of a clue and move on with her life and get out of yours!
She sounds desparate and very jealous of your life.
she sounds (the mistress) like she is wacked in the head and on her blog she states she was the "victim" ... WTF she knew he was married but yet pursued him .... Does she not have respect for herself, other women....
What comes around goes around.....
Hi guys,
I guess you guys have the same thoughts as me.
Rose your investigation skills are remarkable. Can you please email me? My email link is on my blog.
As far as living with her in the same city, she lives the other side of town. Chances of running into her are pretty remote. But she has gone out of her way to spread the word about the affair.
But then perhaps I should spread the word about the 'Froot Loop' I have to deal with.
I guess she must define “separated” as not in the spouses presence at this particular moment. Redefining things to meet your own special need has become popular ever since a certain US president tried to redefine “sex” and “is”.
To anyone with an ounce of morals, (which apparently doesn’t include the mistress), I think separated not only means a separate residence, but some permanence, eq, not a hotel for a weekend as some argument cools off or a “trial separation”, but an actual determination that the separation is permanent, which is usually made when filing for divorce.
I think most lawyers would advise that definition isn’t even good enough, they’d likely advise no new partner until the final decree.
It’s not surprising that the mistress also lies or interprets things differently on different days. Any one who would interfere with a marriage that was not dissolved by a divorce final decree has a broken moral compass.
JQ could not agree with you more. I guess in her head she KNEW it was wrong and therefore she lies to try and justify it.
I don't know, I am only guessing cause I am not a mistress and will NEVER be one.
And her divorce of her second marriage was not final either!
JQ75- W
hich is morally worse, a separated woman who sleeps with a married man OR a married man who sleeps with a separated woman?
Anonymous said...
JQ75- W
hich is morally worse, a separated woman who sleeps with a married man OR a married man who sleeps with a separated woman?
10:46 PM
IMO screwing around is screwing around. A separated woman is still a MARRIED woman so there is no difference. Why "pretty it up" trying to find some loophole. If you are married and "on a break" you are still married. Until the judge signs the divorce decree or until death do you part... married is married.
So why beat up on the mistress and go easy on the husband?
okay, now first of all, I understand, Kate where you are coming from because I had the same exact thing happen to me to the T.
My husband's mistress came at me several times telling me that she's not a mistress cause "He didn't decide to have an affair with me at the time that he left you".
Now that's BS, because up till this day, my stbx and I are still legally married. Then, she had the audacity to threaten me with several lawsuits, (none of which worked out) because as she says, You're defaming me online.
Well, I don't think so - she defamed herself by being with a married man. It's her own action.
But like jaded&opinionated stated once, they have to tell themselves whatever it is to justify their actions and sleep better at night.
And for the record, although I was very angry at the beginning (and rightly so), I am not "scorned" and "out to get people". I have found peace and have accepted my situation.
Anonymous said...
JQ75- W
hich is morally worse, a separated woman who sleeps with a married man OR a married man who sleeps with a separated woman?
10:46 PM
IMO screwing around is screwing around. A separated woman is still a MARRIED woman so there is no difference. Why "pretty it up" trying to find some loophole. If you are married and "on a break" you are still married. Until the judge signs the divorce decree or until death do you part... married is married.
12:38 AM
Could not have said it better myself ~D~ !
I read this post a few days ago and have been trying to figure out what to say about it. Now that I read all of the comments, it seems that the Mistress gets exactly what she wants here.. unwarranted attention. She nudges you here and there and you talk about her and that keeps her alive. Now, I am not saying you shouldn’t vent, I am just saying that it sucks that she is rewarded by your right to do so.
I certainly don’t know this mistress, but I know enough of them to know that attention is the name of their game. It’s too bad that they usually get it.
Frannie that is so true. She is getting exactly what she wants through my venting. That is one of the reasons why I shut down my other blog because I don't want her reading it.
It appears she is reading it again, which if I am totally honest, I expected. She is so bloody obsessed with my marriage that I knew she would go searching for my new blog.
I am going to continue to blog and vent because I need to, the same as she needs to get all the attention she possibly can.
I say GO FOR IT! I hope the attention helps her heal or in the very least realise alot about herself.
To answer Anonymous’ question…
I wasn’t trying to make a gender or status distinction. From my other posts, you would see my consistent negative view of cheaters, married/divorced/or just steady relationships.
I was addressing Kate’s situation as it relates to the mistress and whether it was appropriate for the mistress to intervene in a marriage where she didn’t belong. The mistress had no business interfering, but to complete the picture, Kate’s husband should not have initiated or responded to the mistress.
I do not subscribe to the idea that men have uncontrollable needs so are excused from cheating. Any adult who can’t control their impulses can be diagnosed as having a mental health problem and should seek treatment before they cause a serious problem. I’ve posted comments to this effect on Mac’s blog as it relates to her steady 8 year relationship even though they aren’t married.
So to make it clear, both are bad, any and all combinations of more than two people who are in a relationship are a problem. I fully support Weekends Off’s view above. Even if the other party is single, they are interfering in a marriage. The only third party allowed in a marriage is God.
I don’t think anyone says to go easy on the husband, certainly not myself. Kate’s point is the mistress didn’t understand that she was a mistress and somehow redefined things to be OK.
JQ well summed up.
I certainly do not go easy on my husband for his conscious decision to commit adultery.
But in my opinion the person who knowingly becomes involved with a married person is more to blame than the other person. If they had any morals they would not go anywhere near a marriage that was still in existance.
Until the divorce decree is signed then the marriage still exists.
"But in my opinion the person who knowingly becomes involved with a married person is more to blame than the other person."
I totally disagree. The married person was the one who took vows. The third party took vows to noone.
"I totally disagree. The married person was the one who took vows. The third party took vows to noone. "
Not making a promise doesn't mean that you are free to commit crime, and disrespect others, does it? I never vowed that I wouldn't rob a bank, but that doesn't mean that I should.
Cheating isn't against the law. Maybe in Afghanistan, but not here. The day they start passing laws about emotions will be a very scary thing.
On the same note, you're telling me vows mean nothing then? Shouldn't a vow to be faithful hold some weight?
To answer Anonymous’ provocation…
I’ve had a stressful week and am somewhat annoyed at Anonymous. Tell us - are you Kate’s husband’s mistress, someone else’s mistress, or a mistress looking for a home to wreck? Just wondering. Indulge my curiosity, please.
In spite of my disdain for cheaters, I can not condone the “third wheel” home wrecker. There is no law, you took no vow, that’s a load of bull crap plain and simple. If you really believe that then you are morally bankrupt and should not be allowed to roam unescorted on public land.
Did anyone teach you anything? Long ago they thought the Universe revolved around the Earth, then the Sun, then they understood the wider Universe, now you think the Universe revolves around YOU and what makes YOU happy, every one else be damned. Who do you think YOU are? Tell me. Just what would happen if everyone was that uncaring and selfish?
Did they stop teaching the Golden Rule? Do mistress’ ever consider that they’re new home could be wrecked? Would that be OK or a different story?
There does not have to be a law to prevent intelligent human beings from controlling their behavior in a socially responsible way. As for a law on adultery, well I guess that’s one thing that Afghanistan has done right.
The law isn’t about emotions, you can have any emotion you want. There are a lot of fine women I may be attracted to, that doesn’t mean I’m going to run out and fornicate with them. An inability to control your emotions is a mental health problem, seek help before it causes you a problem.
Please don’t twist words. Solaris is not telling anyone that vows mean nothing, she has repeatedly stated that a vow to be faithful should hold an extreme weight. She’s been very clear on that as many others of us have been.
Guess what, a little quick research shows that indeed there are ways to take various court actions on adultery depending on the jurisdiction, even today.
In fact, there is a related issue that is likely to work in all jurisdictions.
I won’t bother to quote them here, I have no need for them, I’m not a cheater, never have, never will, and I certainly wouldn’t want to help one.
Ya know the neat thing about the law, it’s living, it gets tested, twisted, interpreted. There is room for creativity.
So to the defenders of cheaters and mistress’ - maybe you’ll get lucky and sit at the defendant’s table, all pompous and sure of your rights, while a pit-bull lawyer gets creative and fries your butt. You’ll make the news of the weird or maybe Jay Leno, and we’ll all get the last laugh.
I bet there are some lawyers out there who got cheated on and would just love to find the right jurisdiction, the right loophole, the right twist, and the right over-confident cheater who won’t even see them coming.
Of course, there’s always the cheater who gets cheated on. Where do they turn for support?
I have NEVER cheated on anyone, NEVER been with ANYONE involved with someone else and I DON'T CONDONE CHEATING mistresses in the least. I think it's disgusting to get involved where one shouldn't be.
That said, I think the person in the marriage is WORSE than the third party because the person in the marriage promised to be faithful.
THAT'S MY ONLY POINT. I WOULD BE MORE PISSED AT MY HUSBAND THAN THE MISTRESS BECAUSE IT COULD HAVE BEEN ANY WOMAN. IF A MAN IS LOOKING FOR SEX, AFFECTION, AND ATTENTION,HE'LL GET IF FROM ANYONE WHO'LL GIVE IT.
And I'm curious, since when does questioning someone's standpoint equate "twisting words"?
Wow, anon, you sure got twisted over that didn't you. Look at you, all yelling and stuff up in someone elses house.
Shame on you.
I agree with anonymous. I am happily married, and neither my husband or I have ever cheated. When I was single, I wouldn't go near a married man. I think that cheating is absolutely wrong.
I believe that anonymous is correct. She's certainly not condoning the behavior of a mistress. She's simply stating that, in her mind, the married person would be more to blame, and I agree. I'd be MUCH angrier at my husband than at the mistress. My husband made a promise to me...the woman did not. No, that doesn't make her actions right, it's just not, in my mind, AS egregious. I don't think it applies in this case, but there are certainly other cases where single women got involved with married men but, honestly, had NO IDEA that the man wasn't single.
KissMeKate, I'm truly sorry for what you've been going through.
anonymous,
I'm not saying that vows do not mean anything - quite the contrary.
I think that you are not blaming the mistress as much because the situation hasn't happened to you. Just 8 months ago, I would have believed the same as you do. That is - until I found out how these mistresses operate. Most operate on new addictive sex and lots of manipulation - and truthfully, their ways are grossly disrespectful to the wife.
Another thing - for the record, I don't believe that people should be punished eternally for what they've done. I believe that if they show true remorse (not just regret - very different), and apologize , that they should be forgiven.
My husband's mistress has not done anything but blame me for the failure of my marriage. She has not taken the initiative to apologize - nor will she ever. And why should she? She has my husband.
As egotistical as her actions were and are, is the same as how avarice, disrespectful, and overall morally corrupt and deficient has she shown herself to be.
I hope that when she googles my "Solarisgal" name, as she obessively and consistantly and psychotically does, she finds this comment.
Sorry, Kate.
solarisgal, solarisgal - pick me up beta blogger search engines! :)
OK, Anonymous, I stand corrected, I will accept your word that you truly are not defending mistress’ or cheating, and that you were making an academic argument on the subject.
Please accept our arguments that some people, in this 21st century, prefer to abide by a higher set of principles than it’s not against the law, it makes me happy etc. Maybe we’re approaching the fall of an era, like the Roman’s did when moral decay lead to their collapse,
Over history, the me-centered ideology seems only appropriate for the animal kingdom or in extreme survival situations.
So the point is, in a healthy cooperative society, responsible adults should know right from wrong. The lesser wrong, if there really is one, and it really depends on the individual circumstances, is of little practical value.
To draw an analogy if you were hosting an elaborate dinner party and the guest of honor and an uninvited guest both were rude and disorderly. Would it matter much on the relative wrongness? As the host, might you complain about the uninvited guest louder? Not withstanding that you also harbored resentment and disappointment for the guest of honor.
And without knowing all the details, I think it is impossible to accurately place blame. The only sweeping statements that fit my principles are that cheating is wrong for all parties that are cheating unless a party truly had no idea they were interfering in another’s relationship (which does happen sometimes). I find little practical use of doling out relative blame. Both knew it was wrong, both could have done something, neither one did, both are guilty.
As for a twisted words debate, I’m not sure you can defend that, other than to possibly say you’ve hardly read any of these posts. Maybe some of us regulars just know each other’s positions so well and you don’t.
As for Anonymous Makes Sense
Again it’s a situation, those of us very familiar with SolarisGal’s situation see a very active and antagonistic mistress who won’t butt out and makes efforts to hurt her. I bet if you were on the receiving end of that you might adjust your views accordingly.
AND… Let’s not forget the TITLE, it is that the mistress could not even recognize her self as such. Kate has many posts, many of them not on this Blog, about other subjects, including many strong positions about her husband. But when her husband comes back and there are unresolved issues with the mistress then I think you have a different situation.
A situation where Kate’s view on the mistress is better understood.
oh, and another thing:
My husband's mistress said that my husband
" was not having an affair with me when he decided to end his relationship with you"
Well, how strange, mistress! I have credit card receipts of my husband and I having dinner, and I also have love text messages, "I'll be thining of you wrapped around me" coming from your telephone during the same exact time!
Care to pay pit-bull lawyer Lorraine to subpeana the message headers with the dates and the credit card receipts herself??
And then, mistress has the audacity to want to sue me. Well, like Clint Eastwood said,
"Go ahead...
make my day..."
WOW....I am amazed at the action overnight!
We have some differing opinions here and I am sure they all hold merit.
Yes my husband made a promise to me.
HOWEVER, things get shaky in any relationship from time to time. Yes he looked outside of his marriage to cover his feelings caused by the problems in the marriage.
MY POINT IS that if there had not been a woman that was so willing to spread her legs for him, all the while KNOWING he was married, then he would have either left the marriage or worked on the issues causing the unhappiness.
If people, third persons included, had more respect for the vows that people have taken then surely the number of affairs that affect marriages would decrease significantly.
So in my opinion, the third person is more to blame because even though the married person has gone seeking or succumbed to the third person advances, they ALLOWED the affair to ignite by willingly being involved.
IF A MAN IS LOOKING FOR SEX, AFFECTION, AND ATTENTION,HE'LL GET IF FROM ANYONE WHO'LL GIVE IT.
Anon you are absolutely right with this statement about getting it from anyone.
But that anyone would be immoral to willingly become involved as a third person in a marriage.
Again, if the third person stayed away and declined the advances then infidelity would not exist.
I'm kind of confused, though. Who would go after a married man, and what kind of mentality would they have?
I believe that some mistresses are fooled into false promises made by the man, but at the same time, I believe that the mistress looked for it, since the man is married, and the relationship itself is founded on a lie.
On the other hand, I strongly believe that there are some mistresses who've had the same thing happen to them - that being their husbands cheating on them, and they kind of need to get that feeling of insecurity out of their system. They need to feel desired. They kind of want to be that woman who's husband's left them for.
And in certain cases, it must be fun manipulating the husband to do everything that the mistress wants. Can you imagine what kind of power trip must be going through these mistresses minds - especially if the husband is 10 years younger than they are?
Weekends Off - Typing in all caps does not always mean one is yelling. I was simply trying to emphasize my words without having to use html code for bold letters. Either way, if Kate didn't want comments and healthy debate, she's disable the comment function.
Kate - While it's true that if there were no immoral women, then men wouldn't have anyone to cheat with, it still stands that he'll get it where he can. I think people either have the capacity to cheat or they don't. If a man wants sex outside of his marriage, he'll get a mistress or a prostitute.
Please keep in mind, everyone, that healthy debate is good. While you may not convince people of your point of view, sometimes you can give them a different perspective. I'm sure we'll all good people here and hate that Kate has been suffering emotionally, but I think there's nothing wrong with open dialogue.
Anon - I know my husband would NEVER go to a prostitute. So in my case had the mistress not been so eager to enter into my marriage then things certainly would have been different.
And also my husbands affair was not just about sex.
I believe that some mistresses are fooled into false promises made by the man, but at the same time, I believe that the mistress looked for it, since the man is married, and the relationship itself is founded on a lie.
I think Solarisgal has summed this up nicely. I am sure my husband's mistress was fooled by false lies but again she willingly became involved knowing he was married.
And you are right about the debate. I am happy to see everyone commenting and I agree that healthy debate is good. But rest assured I am monitoring this conversation and should it turn nasty and/or personal I WILL shut it down.
At the end of the day if one is too try and salvage a marriage from the grips of an affair, forgiving the unfaithful partner is necessary, forgiving the mistress is not..
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Well said Lara.
Cheers LOL
I don't think anyone here was ever advocating forgiving the mistress. That's preposterous.
But think of it this way, if Jane "hadn't been so eager", then Husband would have gone on to Jill or Beth. That's why I would focus my attention on Husband and how to fix whatever is broken in him and the marriage that made him stray. Getting angry at the mistress wastes time and energy better put into the marriage.
But that's just my opinion.
anonymous, now that I understand you better, I believe that you are right.
Kate has her husband back, and according to what she wrote, he'll never go back to the mistress again. In this case, I believe that maybe she shouldn't be upset with her mistress and concentrate more on her marriage.
BUT, it hurts that someone out there was willing to support her husband to leave his family - the pain is horrendous, I know.
But you're right, thinking continously about these things doesn't make sense - its' like looking towards the past, and what's worse, brings up resentment. But it's very hard not to do so.
You are going to have to excuse me - my situation is different, as no one believes that my H had an affair since my H's mistress is extremely manipulative and very good at presenting lies and controlling my husband. I apologize if I spilled some of this onto Kate's situation, as our situations regarding the mistress may be a little different.
Mistress was a pimple on the ass of blog world before she became officially the Mistress.. And will continue to do so..
Where are all these loose women (Jane, Jill, Beth, whoever) who are ready to be mistress’ with a wink & a nod? Let’s not be confused. Both are guilty. They didn’t get that far without both being very much premeditated about the whole thing. It’s not like clothes fell off and body parts joined when someone slipped on a wet floor.
A man who is thinking of straying is going to balance some risk. He doesn’t have unlimited time to test every women in town to see who is loose, there isn’t a radar device that spots them, and he may think twice before seeking the higher risk paid professionals.
The mistress is an uninvited bed partner. Potentially exposing the spouse to STDs, consuming the marital assets etc. Ignoring her won’t make her go away. If you (either gender) went to bed tonight and found strange clothes under your pillow, would that be OK? Just because they were tidy enough not to leave them under your pillow or use your bed doesn’t make any practical difference.
Branding her (or him) with a scarlet A was a lot more effective than anything being done today. It’s hard to criticize effectiveness. Or should we do away with marriage altogether and knock up partners until we run out of energy.
This will provide a wonderful opportunity and example for the next generation, don’t you think?
Wrong is wrong. The golden rule is right. There is no defending wrong. Forgiveness, maybe. Healing, hopefully. Excuses are just excuses, defending it just allows it to perpetuate. Don’t be tricked into compromising what is right.
Be brave, Take a stand. Adultery is wrong. That’s my view. I accept no excuses. I make no apologies for my principle.
I’m not advocating that someone should dwell on the mistress or give her undue publicity.
I aim to point out that adultery committed by either sex (mistress/mr-tress), regardless of which sex was in the relationship is wrong or disturbing or damaging is a fact. When the victim is the one pointing out that fact, some sensitivity should be exercised.
Yeah we all can have our opinions. But when it comes to the pain a mistress causes – I will take Kate’s, Solaris’, Mac’s view over everyone else’s. They know, they lived it. We can only guess (although my guess is I was cheated on, but she is an excellent liar). Just as I believe you could only guess what it is like not knowing where your child is for two weeks or know what it feels like when you have never been allowed a full day with your child in two years.
These bad behaviors need to be universally condemned so they can be reduced. The cheaters and child stealers need no help justifying their evil deeds. Those who support the victims and condemnation will have helped to improve society. Those who lend their voice to moral confusion will not have helped the victims past and future. They also risk suffering the very behavior they defended.
Child stealers? Where'd that come from and what's that got to do with adultery?
My personal experience is more in line with parental kidnapping and denial of visitation. What does it have in common with adultery? It’s another 21st century moral confusion for many that don’t understand how these behaviors are wrecking families and damaging the next generation.
i was passing through your blog and i would like to share a different point of view...
dear dad, you said you loved mom so much. i remember you coming home late at night because you said you worked hard to provide for us. in my eyes, i see you as the perfect dad. the perfect person to look up to. the perfect man, someone i would want my future husband to be like. i see in your eyes that you think mom is the most beautiful woman in the whole world, even if she grew those curves from bearing us. mom is the most beautiful mother i could ever have. but why did you have another woman? one who is not as beautiful as mom? if you do not find mom beautiful anymore, whould you still find me beautiful, because i look so much like her? dad, i wanted you to come home. but when you did, i didn't realize that you didn't want to come home. i don't want you and mom to fight anymore. i just want to have you both, like it used to be. i wanted to know you wouldn't be going away anymore, that i would have you as my dad forever. love, kitty.
i picked this up somewhere, i just forgot where, and i wanted to share it because it is so beautiful. it was written by a teenager.
i am disgusted at the fact that someone would knowingly destroy a marriage, a family, because not only is a marriage between two people, but it also involves the children born from that marriage.
i hope the mistress understood this right from the start that she pursued your husband. but for me, more importantly, i wish the husband understood what it would look like to the children, how the children would feel if their parents are apart and fighting. in many ways, an affair involves them as well.
i know you can get through this, kate. if only time can come quicker so that wounds will heal faster, but you will get through this. you'll be in my prayers.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing that Minnie.
I had my little girl ask me yesterday why I did not want daddy around anymore.
It does involve the children. And I will never understand why any woman would want to stand in the way of that, particularly when they themselves are a mother.
Hi Kate,
in your comments here you said you knew your husband would never go to a prostitiute.... IMHO he did aka the mistress.....
She pursued him knowing he was married.... I'd say let him have her what comes around goes around...
Rose, in the new choose-your-own-morality climate, things are finely tuned. See if the mistress didn’t accept cash payment at the time the services were rendered, then she can claim moral superiority over a prostitute.
She rationalizes that she was emotionally invested, that he wasn’t with his wife at that moment, etc. She probably doesn’t realize that the earlier definitions of mistress stemmed from a kept woman, kind of like a steady prostitute relationship.
Of course anyone with an ounce of brain matter and common sense can see little practical difference. It is what it is, the label matters little.
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