It's JUST a song!
Well I must have jinxed myself yesterday. After writing that post I went to the supermarket for some groceries. I was only in the supermarket for a matter of minutes when a song came on that affected me badly.
My body went numb and my mind raced. I was tempted to just push the trolley to the side of the aisle and flee. I had to breathe deeply but somehow I managed to keep it together.
I was angry. I was hurt. I was numb. I was dazed.
So what did I do? I picked up my phone and called you at work to tell you what was playing. You didn't answer so I left a voice mail message for you. You saw I had called so called me back without checking your messages.
You said you were sorry. You said it won't always be this hard. You said that you loved me and just wanted to fix it. You said if there were anything that you could do to take away the pain, then you would do it without hesitation.
So after work you came over to my place and asked how my day had been. You knew I was struggling. You knew I was in pain. You acknowledged I was having a bad afternoon.
You also asked me in an incredulous way what had caused me to plummet down. "Just the song?" you asked.
Well let me tell you what "Just the song" is.
It is YOU taking the time to plan a special CD for HER.
It is YOU taking the time to burn it for HER.
It is YOU thinking enough of HER to make something so special.
It is YOU thinking outside the square to give something so individual to HER.
It is YOU giving it to HER.
It is YOU listening to it with HER.
It is YOU sharing special songs that have meaning with HER.
It is YOU probably fucking HER after listening to it.
It is probably YOU giving it to HER when you went interstate. Do the lyrics hold special meaning?
Cause tonight is the night, for feeling alright
We'll be making love the whole night through
I guess I really shouldn't have any hard feelings toward this should I? Afterall I have a CD that you made for me too, one that we gave all our wedding guests.
Remember this? And don't forget the gorgeous cover that had a beautiful professional picture of us hugging and said
"Today I married my friend,
the one I laugh with,
live for, dream with,
Love."
But I suppose in your eyes it holds no special meaning cause it is "Just songs".
FUCK YOU CHARLIE!
My body went numb and my mind raced. I was tempted to just push the trolley to the side of the aisle and flee. I had to breathe deeply but somehow I managed to keep it together.
I was angry. I was hurt. I was numb. I was dazed.
So what did I do? I picked up my phone and called you at work to tell you what was playing. You didn't answer so I left a voice mail message for you. You saw I had called so called me back without checking your messages.
You said you were sorry. You said it won't always be this hard. You said that you loved me and just wanted to fix it. You said if there were anything that you could do to take away the pain, then you would do it without hesitation.
So after work you came over to my place and asked how my day had been. You knew I was struggling. You knew I was in pain. You acknowledged I was having a bad afternoon.
You also asked me in an incredulous way what had caused me to plummet down. "Just the song?" you asked.
Well let me tell you what "Just the song" is.
It is YOU taking the time to plan a special CD for HER.
It is YOU taking the time to burn it for HER.
It is YOU thinking enough of HER to make something so special.
It is YOU thinking outside the square to give something so individual to HER.
It is YOU giving it to HER.
It is YOU listening to it with HER.
It is YOU sharing special songs that have meaning with HER.
It is YOU probably fucking HER after listening to it.
It is probably YOU giving it to HER when you went interstate. Do the lyrics hold special meaning?
We'll be making love the whole night through
I guess I really shouldn't have any hard feelings toward this should I? Afterall I have a CD that you made for me too, one that we gave all our wedding guests.
Remember this? And don't forget the gorgeous cover that had a beautiful professional picture of us hugging and said
the one I laugh with,
live for, dream with,
Love."
But I suppose in your eyes it holds no special meaning cause it is "Just songs".
FUCK YOU CHARLIE!
posted by kissmekate at 12:49 pm
46 Comments:
I hate that song, and I know which one it is. Everytime that I hear that song I get sick to my stomach.
I've been feeling so depressed as of late. Sometimes I just get into bed and cover myself with 2 quilts from head to toe and don't come out for the whole weekend. (except to read blogs).
you know i cry inside everytime i read your blog. i agree fuck you charlie alright. you really are made of tough stuff, i would have been gone after the first time, but we are all different. i've said it before and i will keep saying it he doesn't deserve you. you are trying so hard to heal yet you are so shattered. i wish i could help, but cannot, only you know your heart and only god knows your road. bless you kate
Oh Kate, I wish I had all the right things to say to you. My heart breaks for you reading this post. It is raw and full of fresh pain. Being in his shoes I do think that it is killing him knowing you are hurting, the way you are. I am sure he is wishing he could turn back time. I know this does not take that pain away. Again I wish I knew for you what that would be. I would wrap it up tight and send it your way, with a big blue bow. That or I would hit that damn easy button. Hang in there girl. You are an amazing women.
Kate, I am so sorry for the pain his betrayal has caused. It is so terrible how a simple thing can bring back such a long string of events with all its associated pain.
When something like this comes up, try to focus on the present, he’s trying to make up for his mistake. Focus on the future, your family, your children’s pain if things don’t work out. I know this is so difficult, I struggle with it myself. But the damage to the children is so great, seeing them hurt I think actually hurts more than the original hurt, because they are innocent and don’t deserve it.
Far be it from me to defend a cheater… In his reaction to your distress, his intent seems to be good. He called, he apologized, he wanted to know what caused the pain. He didn’t make the connection. He cared enough to ask, but he phrased it poorly.
Kate, you know I am behind you completely. This time I think his wanting to understand is more important than his poor communication. Guys don’t always make those sensitive connections as quickly as women. Hopefully his actions will be correct after he understands the song was a trigger to a much deeper hurt.
I hope and pray that positive present behavior will eventually overshadow the past and the triggers that bring it to mind.
May you and Solaris both find peace. Take care…
I'm sorry my darling. As you know more than anyone else. My entire life is about fixing these mistakes.
You've said that you can't fault my efforts to win you back. All I can give is my best.
I want you to stop hurting and I know that the pain will ease with time. I just hope that when that happens that we're still intact as a family.
I'm sorry. I do love you, more than you could ever imagine. I just want to make it better and be the husband that you deserve.
Charlie
Whew. I have written many times on my blog about how songs affect me. I can't imagine your pain when you heard that song. And it is a dumb cheesy song.
Having not read every post, and knowing Charlie is an outright jerk and asshole for doing what he did to you, he *seems* like he is now trying to do the admirable thing, and *seems* to be wanting to be there for you.
It also seems like he is going to lose a lot if he screws this up, and it also seems like he's going to have to understand your anger for the rest of your lives, and be apologetic and understanding about your anger every single time you become angry. He can never get mad at you for your feelings because he caused them.
You are so brave. I don't even know you, but would choose you for a friend in a heartbeat. I can tell you are a strong woman. I just don't yet know if CHarlie is deserving of you. My guess is No, but if you love him, and if he wants to make it right, you may be able to get through this tremendous hurdle. I hope for your happiness.
We all make mistakes Manic Mom. I'm doing everything in my power to fix it. Over the last 8 years we've both done things in this partnership that caused pain to the other. Mine far outweighs hers, but all I can do is what I'm doing right now.
charlie, this is now not in the last 8 years we have caused each other pain. kate is in huge pain right now, pain that cannot begin to know when it will ease, or if it will ever go away, panadol won't fix it, a bandaid will not stop the bleeding and no operation will mend this broken heart this pain will never go away.how much do you really want this charlie? tomorrow is a brand new day charlie. maybe it is time to walk away and give kate the respect she deserves. you know if you love something set it free, if it comes back its yours, if it doesn't it never was. it's time charlie.
Well said..
So does that mean abandoning my children and making them believe that I'm walking away from them ? Does it mean Kate uprooting and leaving to another city and me following and putting everything in everyone's lives on hold so I can be close to Kate and my girls.
Last week Kate had an a-ha moment when she actually told me she wanted me to get rid of the other house and move back in. She told me that she hadn't been fair to me in that she had carried on for the last month as though I was 100% responsible for what happened when in fact she had to share some of the blame
We just had a wonderful weekend away. We stayed in a wonderful motel and did so many intimate things. Depsite the writings on thsi blog, the last 13 weeks have been some of the most intimate weeks in our existance as a couple. Great chunks of the last 13 weeks have been perfect. Although I can understand her being in pain and that is a long process that we're undertaking, it just seems such a tragedy when we were making so much progress to just throw everyone's lives again into the blender. I understand that I am mostly responsible for what's happened. I understand that I threw everyone's lives in a blender, but it just doesn't seem the right thing for us to do now.
I think I just have to back off and give her some space. But I can't abandon her or my family. I can't do it.
Life was beautiful on Thursday and Friday and Saturday. I still believe it can beautiful on Wednesday. I'm going to keep on trying with everything I've got. Kate is my life. I made a mess of it earlier in the year and I will be eternally sorry for those mistakes.
How long does kate have to live with this torture before it becomes cruel to her
Wow, some vindictive hateful comments popping up. And they mostly come from anon. as usual. I've been on noth sides of this, first as the cheated on, then the cheater. The relationship will take a long time to heal, and it will always be different. Some thoughts enter my mind now that would never have entered my mind before my wife cheated on me.
But if you are both intent on trying to repair your relationship, because it was so good before and you have children, then it seems to me that you are headed in the right direction. Charlie seems to be doing the right things.
Music can be very powerful. It is for me. But I know that for some people it is less so. OK, so Charlie was surprised at the reaction to this. He's not a mind reader. Once he knew, he did everything he could to help her through it.
Sorry, but even I can hear how sorry Charlie is by reading his comments. Walking out the door is not going to make it any easier to listen to the radio, anonymous :-)
John,
FYI, all of the anons are not one person. And what's wrong with what Anon1 said? Not all anons are hateful. I have always supported Kate and looked out for her well being. Kate knows who I am.
Anyway, I just hope that Charlie understands that he's going to have to be doting, loving and appreciative, not until Kate feels comfortable again, but for the REST OF THEIR LIVES.
I have a tiny question. I dont know if it was raised in another post, or any other commentors, but have you thought about counselling Kate? Maybe finding someone neutral to talk to who isnt going to either side with you or Charlie might be the best to talk to in this situation. Someone with experience, someone who deals with this on a daily basis?
just a thought. i apologize if its too forward.
I haven't even read through all of these comments but it does appear that Charlie is trying his heart out.
I think for the sake of their marriage, I'm not sure a blog is a good thing because people are saying hateful things, people don't know both sides of the story (and I am in NO WAY blaming Kate at all!), but it's hard to interpret lives and a marriage through a blog.
I hope the two of them work it out to the best of their abilities and come to find love again. It can happen, but it takes time, and an exceptional amount of love, kindness, and forgiveness.
I wish you both the best.
As I see it there can be only one thing worse than cheating, walking away from the children. I probably have been cheated on, but I haven’t gone through the pain of knowing the details. But I know plenty about what happens to children when the home breaks up and it is extremely terrible to see the pain on an innocent child’s face.
Now if Charlie was a regular cheater, porn viewer, neglecter, etc. and kept going and coming back, that would be the torture that anon described, the kind of torture that AK is still inflicting on Mac. The walk away advice would be much better served on AK than Charlie. AK just drops in because he knows he can push Mac’s buttons. Charlie seems to be trying much harder than AK.
Kate understands she was wronged, dwelling on it here probably keeps those wounds open. Support for her to heal and possibly save the family and the children pain is worth the extreme effort needed in my opinion, because of how important it is to the children.
As for multiple anon, Why? Why does anyone use anon when they can use OTHER and assign a name. I have a very strong reason for being anonymous, but I use a pseudonym and it is the same one every time on every post/comment with the same email all the time. Some of my regulars even know more about me. I think people over use anon and owe it to others to at least have some identity.
While I deplore cheating, I must recognize Charlie’s resolve to make it right. To walk away would be the simple and cowardly thing to do.
And although it may not seem likely now, those who conquer adversity come out the other side much stronger. This is my hope and prayer for Kate’s family.
jq one of the issues is the constant porn and fantasy phone calls. The live web cam ceases now due to me removing the webcam.
The absolute betrayal was his affair.
So no it is not just about the affair. It is years of broken promises and lies and betrayals.
And one thing worse than a cheater is someone that walks away from his children - Charlie did that when he left this house by choice.
I am Anon here. I have a blog. I always use my name except for here. I've seen the "blogwar" spread to various other blogs and I don't want it spilling onto mine (again) or onto the blogs of people who read my blog. That's why I don't use my name here.
But if you think it's that important for me to use my name, then I will. Then you all can go to my blog and then go to the mistress' blog and then come here and then go back and we can fuel the fire. Sounds very helpful to Kate!
As for the other anons...they just want to say negative things and not show their faces. I don't spew hate.
Whatever decision Kate makes she knows we will support her as best we can. And Kudo for not starting a blog war, we all know as her support group that is the last thing she needs...
Kate,
in your comment you said "jq one of the issues is the constant porn and fantasy phone calls. The live web cam ceases now due to me removing the webcam.
The absolute betrayal was his affair.
So no it is not just about the affair. It is years of broken promises and lies and betrayals."
so I say: I hope your in therapy and getting much needed help!! I'm sorry that you and your family have been going thru this and I hope that you all get the help you need and that you all heal......
If you have to decide no you want nothing to do with your hubs then do what is best...
Kate, I am so sorry you are going through this.
I truly believe that once a cheater always a cheater.
But I also believe that some good people do occassionly make bad mistakes.
I don't know Charlie well enough to say which catagory he is in. I once believed he was a cheater. Now I'm not sure. If you believe he is then you should move on.
If you believe he isn't then now is the time to stop punishing him for his sins. He knows he wronged you. He is doing everything he can to make it up to you.
Accept that. Its tough to let go of the anger, but is the worth it? If so then try to let go. Remember him for right things he has done. Don't forget, but do forgive him for his sins.
There is another blog that I recently started reading. Its listed on one of your friends blogs. It reads as if Charlie was writing. It pains me to read his blog almost as much as it pains me to read yours.
I hope things become clear to you.
Anon,
Thank you for not starting a blog war. Nothing can be gained in a war of words.
It would be easier to read though if you used fake initials so we could tell anon1 from anon2.
Ditto mt’s last comment. I don’t advocate using your Blog ID if it would be detrimental to Kate, how could anyone even think I would suggest that, it’s absurd.
But all these anon’s are confusing. If your connection to Kate’s Blog is that potentially damaging, a pseudonym could still be used. But maybe that’s just me (& mt).
as for blog wars, well I've been accused on the mistress' blog along with others of leaving ANON comments... I visited her blog after being let know that she is accusing me... I'm not happy I have never ever left an anon comment and do not intend to now or in the future... Today I left a comment on the "mistress'" blog saying exactly that....
I'm pissed that she chose to name as she is getting anon comments.... I think it's best that this all ends soon as it's hurting innocent people now.... that have nothing to do with this matter....
Kate, I’m so sorry that your situation is worse than I knew. Since I am newer to your Blog, I didn’t have a chance to read all your posts before they went offline.
I hope Charlie is getting help for his porn issues, that will be important.
As for anger, it is an understandable, but dangerous emotion. It can consume a person. Eventually for your own sake you will need to overcome it. As for now it is difficult to avoid.
When you have difficult negative thoughts, try to find a more positive alternative thought, this will improve your mood. Kate, take care, try to find peace & calm.
oh charlie, how we take the words and turn them into some kind of poetry only to know they are not. Let me get this right.....
So does that mean abandoning my children and making them believe that I'm walking away from them ? Does it mean Kate uprooting and leaving to another city and me following and putting everything in everyone's lives on hold so I can be close to Kate and my girls. that is what you wrote right? and this..........
did so many intimate things.But I can't abandon her or my family. I can't do it. Oh charlie too late you abandon Kate and your family the first time you cheated on them. Itimate you say, you can be intimate with anyone my friend, it is when you give your heart that means the most. You know perhaps Kate could get over and even forgive the mistake of a root, but to give your heart Charlie, really cannot be forgiven nor be mended. Sorry Charlie you gave your heart. Best of Luck and will attach an identity.
Someone told me that I was also accused of leaving nasty comments on the mistress's blog.
Although it is true that I once had a blog war with her, she has to understand that this happened back when I was in the midst of my own anger, and she was in the midst of hers.
Since then, I haven't interacted with her , so I don't know who's been leaving nasty comments as of late, but it certainly wasn't me.
I haven't gone over there, but I'll search for her sometime today to clear up any misconceptions.
To you gave your heart,
Irrespective of what you say, I'm sorry, but I just can't give up. I can't just walk away from my family. This is despite aistakes that I have made.
I will keep on fighting. I will never give up.
Guys please just leave her blog alone.
Leave her be.
She is reading mine again. Leave it alone!
PLEASE!
Come on guys...just let it go. You're only going to make things worse for Kate. This is between the three parties involved, not any of us.
I do wonder though, why Ramblin Rose says on the mistress's blog that Kate asked her to email her then told her the mistress mentioned her on the blog.
Why is Kate reading the Mistress's blog and then telling her own readers about it?
Why is Kate stirring up trouble if she says she doesn't want any?
I received an email suggesting that one of my readers had left a comment on the mistress' blog.
So not wanting any trouble, YES I READ IT.
I then emailed Rose asking her to leave the mistress alone and not leave any comments. I DID NOT TELL MY READERS ABOUT IT. THAT IS WHY I ASKED ROSE TO EMAIL ME SO IT WAS NOT ON THE PUBLIC BOARD.
BUT seeing as though I once again have to justify myself to you..... I was only interested in protecting myself from any further flare up from the mistress.
NOW CAN EVERYONE JUST LEAVE IT BE!
IF YOU CHOOSE TO LEAVE COMMENTS THEN DO NOT INVOLVE ME WITH YOUR CHOICE!
You don't have to justify anything Kate, those who "know" you, know it's best to ignore remarks that entice reaction , that may create more drama for you..
Yes kate did ask me to email I did, she told me about the accusations and again, I told her I DID NOT LEAVE COMMENTS!!!! and I went to the mistress' blog and and left a comment saying I DO NOT ANON Comment....
KATE DID aske me to LEAVE THE MISTRESS ALONE!! I have only ever visited her blog once Before the email from Kate and had to go back and find it After the email to leave a remark...
I DO NOT Leave ANON comments or rude comments and do no Appreciate being accused of doing so....
and agree this mess has to do with the three of them....
Don't stress it rose, I have been accused of making comments on her blog more than once, fact is I have NEVER posted on it, so I just choose to ignore the accusations and the blog
Thanks Lara I'm highly distressed by all of this... I feel I have been wrongly accused....
and Idont want a bad name
I am with anonymous. I ache each time I read your blog. I usually cry. I always cringe knowing just a smidge of how you feel - it is different for each of us. Today I am stunned. Stunned that even now, years later, I can still feel the same when I see one of the songs from your list. He isn't even in my life, well not in that way, anymore and still it can hurt terribly.
It is never just a song. There is always so much more to it than that!
Bless you Friend. You are in my thoughts daily. Truly!
I wasn't going to start with the mistress, I was just going to be professional, truthful, and brief.
But that's okay, then I won't bother searching for her blog. I no longer care if I'm falsely accused anyway.
and what the hell is a fantasy phone call?!
Whew, I guess I should have read all of the comments before making mine.
I am grateful that I have no idea where the mistresses blog is and certainly won't be commenting!
I hope you are ok Kate. Truly. Regardless of your choice(s) - I hope you get some councelling. You will need it for the long term after all of this - again, regardless of what you and charlie do.
I have to tell you, I was at the grocery store today and I heard some silly love song playing and I totally wondered about you and how you were doing. Strange, but I've written about grocery-store songs before. I really think they choose the songs they choose to psychologically make you spend more money, or end up crying in the milk section.
Hope things are getting better.
Blogwars and mistress’ continued harassment of Kate. And some anon thinks the mistress is not really guilty. Common sense truly has died.
I have a new distaste for cheaters who keep on giving pain. You’d think she’d just go away in shame. But no, we live in a choose-your-own-moral-code century where they claim they don’t even know they’ve done wrong. Well Kate may be paying for things now, but I’m sure the mistress will get hers later.
Hey Rose I need to apologise to you and set the record straight.
My previous comment reads as though you were indeed the person who left the comment. I do not believe for a moment that you did do it and I am certainly not accusing you of doing so. I am sorry that my comment reads like that.
I think most of my readers have been accused of something from the mistress, and unfortunately you are the latest person to fall victim to her.
Rise above it Rose. You have done NOTHING wrong so hold your head high and don't let some insignificant person get you down.
To All my other Readers :
We ALL know what she is like so let's just let her play her own games without her affecting us.
Based on the comment she wrote on her blog it is evident she is reading this blog, otherwise how did she know about the comment that Rose left on MY blog?
Blogger is a public site and if she chooses to have a public blog and advertise herself as a mistress then she will eventually meet soemone that will react. This person will not necessarily be one of my readers/supporters.
What is the saying? "Give a person enough rope and they will eventually hang themselves"
Let's just leave it lie guys!
kate, charlie, this is just too sad, even I have gotten involved with this site, although I cannot work out the mistress blog nor I want to. I guess sometime when people reply even if it is annon it is they who react the way they would react. I apoligise to you both, it is not for me to say anything but being out there on the net I just got caught up in the whole thing. Maybe my empathy has crossed the line and evolved into............ who knows but I am sorry I have added to your pain. I only wish the both of you the best and good on you charlie for not giving up and good on you Kate for sticking up for Charlie. You will hear from me no more. love and best wishes. xoxxoxoxoxoxo
Don't lose sight of what this whole blog thing is about everyone. Kate (as well as all of us) uses this for an outlet and to turn to friends in a time of need or to share in joy. I would hate for this to turn into something ugly for everyone involved.
Hugs to you Kate and charlie...keep keeping on. Do it UNTIL!!!!
Thinking of you guys of course...
sometimes I think we choose to go crazy over things like that. I'm sure he said "it's juts a song" but they never undertsand that it is so much more. The little things mean so much and the fact that they go out of their way to do them for someone else just kills us. they will never understand.
My husband and I had that Aerosmith song as our bridal waltz at our wedding.
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