I've got a Golden Ticket
I have suffered depression on and off for 6 years now. I have a great psychiatrist that has treated me during this period.
He once said to me that you "earn your way out of a marriage".
Well Charlie has given me a one way golden ticket out of here.
Up until now I could never seem to find the station, but I think I was heading down the wrong street.
I can see the station now and the train is pulling in.
posted by kissmekate at 10:25 am
15 Comments:
How does one earn their way out?
Never heard of that expression before
I understand how you feel, I do...but please ensure that you feel the way you do for real reasons, and think of all that you've invested in this relationship before you get out at the station.
I wish you the best, whatever that may be.
kate - how sad! Why do you say "one way", are you considering divorce? If you love him still, and he's trying, then don't do something that you'll later regret. If you suffer from depression, believe me when I tell you that the emotions you'll feel during divorce will be no picnic. Hint: They are equivalent to a close family member's death.
Kate,
I know that Charlie has really torn you apart. I know - truly - how devistating infidelity is to a marriage, a family, a woman.
I also know that divorce is a bitter, bitter pill. It gets stuck in your throat and NEVER goes away - regardless of other happy moments that you might find along the way. It will absolutely cripple your children.
I am only speaking from my own experience. That's all I can give you ... but it seems to me that you deeply love Charlie, but can't seem to move past his infidelity - be clear, whether you divorce or stay married, you will need to find a way to get passed it to move on with your life in ANY manner.
Perhaps I am saying more than I should, but I have grown to care about you - and your future. Strange how this cyber stuff works ...
I will pray for you - both.
Frannie
With all due respect to Frannie, my best friend got divorced four years ago and she and her children are doing great. The first year was excruciating, but you don't HAVE to be crippled by it. In her case, it was the best thing she ever did and I admire her for being strong enough to do it. Many people aren't strong enough to fight for a better life. Her biggest regret is waiting as long as she did.
I hope that whatever you decide, you find peace soon. You deserve it.
Sols right you know, divorce is like losing a family member to death, I actually read that somewhere so its not based on my personal experience but it sure felt like death to me. If you love him hang in there Kate, if you are not sure why not try a break to see where your emotions fall. Bridges are burnt so easily but so incredibly hard to rebuild.
I agree with the other comments, I would not make this decision just now, if indeed it is a definite decision, when you appear to be feeling low. I felt this way on my down days, but felt much better about the future on the up days. The trouble comes in sustaining that 'up' feeling and not sinking again, which I, too, am finding hard to maintain. Hang in there.
The depression thing really complicates this situation, I am sure. I'd love to know more about this "earn your way out of marriage" saying, as I've never heard it or read it before. Whatever you decide to do, you will eventually have to find some way to get over Charlie's having been unfaithful. Even if you divorce, you will need to somehow heal to move on with your life. So why not heal and stay? Divorce is no picnic, as studies have proved time and time again. Yes, some people are better off emotionally after divorce. But except for this one infidelity, I don't get the sense that you two were doing poorly. And all the studies show that divorced families fare poorly economically compared with staying together, which is one more stress on newly-divorced families that you might not be used to dealing with.
Just know that your faithful readers are here for you. Whatever you decide, it has to be YOUR decision as you will have to live with it for the rest of your life. I will be praying for you and for Charlie. Know we are thinking about you.
Please don't go baby
Does this mean you're out of it?
ya so does this mean your out of it??
I've heard the expression you have to earn your way out of it on Dr. Phil... It means that you must put your all into healing wounds and try to make things work....
I hope your okay...
"When you want out of a marriage, you have to earn your way out. Long suffering is not earning your way out. You must turn over every stone and investigate every avenue of rehabilitation in order to earn your way out of your relationship" Dr Phil
Yes Rose is right. Here is a quote from Dr Phil's bullet point notes about deciding to stay in a marriage or call it quits.
You can find these notes on Oprah's website or Dr Phil has a forum about infidelity on his site.
I'm punting Kate is saying that she has turned every stone and tried as best she can to rehabilitate her marriage and now she has earned her passage out.
Good Luck Kate.
Frannie - I can't agree with your "cripple the children" sentence.
Unhappy homes with unhappy parents are much more likely to cripple children than a divorce.
Talk to your children. Keep them informed as to what is happening in terms matched with their age. Reinforce your love for them daily. They will survive and so will you.
I like this quote..."You are never responsible for the actions of others, but you are responsible for YOU. If someone is not/has not treated you with love and respect, it is a gift if they/you walk away.
You may hurt for awhile, but your heart will eventually heal."
Something to think about. I think I would add to that...that your HEAD will surely heal as well. That is what has brought me some peace. Not sure my heart will ever fully heal, but I have accepted that was is done is done and I cannot ask of a do-over...(neither can someone else and) I cannot make someone else act the way they should.
I know you will make the right decision for YOU and the kids!!
*HUGS*
So if you earn yur way out then you know when it ends you did everything you could possibly do. I think to some degree that helps give peace of mind, maybe not today but tomorrow
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