Wednesday, January 24, 2007

The Best Birthday Present EVER

12.01 am
Charlie snuggled into my back, wrapping his arms tightly around my body and tenderly kissing my neck, quietly whispered in my ear "Happy birthday my darling".

I turn my head toward him and smile. He passionately kisses me on the lips as his soft, smooth hands massage my back and he gently scratches my bare skin with his well groomed fingernails.

Before too long, he is tenderly making love to me and as we both succumb to the pleasure of one another, we drift into unconsciousness holding each other closely, my head snuggled into his neck below his chin.

Approx 8.00 am
I don't know the exact time because I was half asleep, but I awoke to Charlie kissing my toes. With each kiss, he came a little higher up my body. With each kiss he gave me a reason why he loved me.

"I love you because you are my girl"

"I love you because you have the most amazing blue eyes."

"I love your nail marks." (aka chicken pox scars)

"I love you because you are beautiful."

"I love your little hands."

"I love you because you understand me like no-one else ever has."

The messages he gave me were rated on where he was planting the I won't divulge some of the X-rated ones!

So once again he made tender love to me and once again we dozed holding each other closely, like a koala holding onto its mother.

10.00 am
Charlie once again wakes me. He laid down on the bed and we fooled around for a bit before getting up.

I jumped into the shower and reached up to find my shampoo bottle. On the top of my shampoo bottle I found a little note from Charlie along with one of my favourite chocolates. I giggled and thought "How cute!"

As I was getting dressed ready to go out for lunch I proceeded to find little handwritten notes and chocolates all over the house, places like in the microwave, on top of my coffee jar, on top of my skim milk, on my mobile phone.

The notes were gorgeous, some of them being "My heart still flutters when I get an SMS from you" stuck on top of my phone, "I don't think you understand how much I love you!" on top of my shampoo bottle, "I think you are HOT!" in the microwave, "You have the most gorgeous mouth that I have ever seen" and "Kiss me you fool" on my toothbrush.

And of course I did kiss him!

12.00 pm
We went out for lunch and shopping!

We went to the newest shopping centre which is absolutely massive. It was the best shopping outing I have ever had with Charlie. He did not look at his watch once, we held hands like teenage lovers, he dragged me into his arms and held me tightly while he kissed me passionately, oblivious to all the passers by looking on with smiles on their faces.

We discovered the most amazing book store. It was absolutely HUGE! And of course I purchased another I really needed another one!

We chose a few things for the house and also discovered a fantastic shop that sold the most exquisite liquers and fortified spirits. We selected a Chocolate Port and purchased it as well.

Charlie had some shopping to do as he was planning something for my birthday evening at home, so he dropped me home before going out to the shops alone. I didn't mind because I had my new book to keep me entertained.

Charlie returned from his shopping spree and banished me to my room. I was not at all phased because I had read a few pages of my new book and could not wait to read it in its entirety.

Charlie went out to the rumpus room to wrap the gift that he had purchased for my birthday. He then went to the kitchen to start preparing my birthday dinner. I felt like a little girl sent to her bedroom for being naughty because I was still not allowed out of my room!

Charlie entered my bedroom and asked me to join him for dinner. As I entered the dining room he 'pops' the champagne cork and lovingly looks at me.

There are candles burning in the centre of the dining table. He has selected 5 of my favourite CD's and has them playing softly in the background.

On the table was a beautifully wrapped gift waiting to be unwrapped. Alongside the gift were two cocktail bowls, the same bowls Charlie purchased for the night that he first made dinner for me all those years ago.

In those bowls Charlie had made Prawn cocktails, the very same dish that he made as entree on that first night that I went to his house for dinner, the same night that we first made love.

So we ate, we drank the bottle of champagne and we listened to CD's. We once again fooled around, kissing each other passionately and making rude comments about what we were going to do to one another when we finally went to bed.

8.30 pm
We decided we had better make dinner! So we opened the best bottle of red on the wine rack, nothing arrogant, and went into the kitchen to prepare dinner together. I chopped the fresh herbs, coriander, mint and parsley, and the shallots, whilst Charlie tossed a beautiful fresh lebanese salad with his gorgeous hands, looking over the top of his glasses smiling at me and telling me how much he loves me.

We laughed and talked. We smiled and giggled. We lovingly gazed at each other whilst again making suggestions of what would happen when the lights later went out in the bedroom.

And once again Charlie banished me to my room.

9.30 pm
Charlie called me out of my room to join him on the back deck for dinner.

It was absolutely gorgeous!

He had turned the fairy lights on that cover the deck area and lit candles all around. He lit the candles on my new wall sconce and they looked divine!

And as I walked out onto the back deck, he pressed play on the remote control for the stereo. He had set up the stereo to play Ronan Keating's song 'Superman'.

"Superman" by Ronan Keating
Album : Bring you home

I've been heading in the wrong direction
Hiding from my own protection
Running but my heart was standing still
I guess you saw the light inside me
Your love has been a torch to guide me
I hope I can be all that you deserve.

Well I'm no superman,
But I'll love you the best I can
And you know I'm just flesh and bones,
But with you
I feel I'm flying
Don't you know I'm no superman
But I'll always be your man.

I was searching for a heart that's beating
As fast as the way I'm feeling
Trying to find some peace there in my soul
You know it was your love that saved me
The answer to my prayers you gave me
And I hope I'll be all your deserve.

I'd fight for you,
I'd die for you
You know I would
Hold back the night, light up the sky,
Oh if I could I'll always be your man.....yeah

He grabbed me and held me close to him. He promised never to let me down again. He cried as he told me how sorry he was for hurting me and how much he loved me.

Needless to say we both cried.

We sat down together and ate the most wonderful meal and drank a fabulous bottle of red wine. We talked and we reminisced. We laughed and we cried.

We talked about the last 9 years. We talked about the last 12 months. But most importantly we spoke about tomorrow, something I haven't been able to do for a long time.

As we finished our meal with divine King Island Dairy Brie and Chocolate Port we discovered the time was passed 2am.

So we finished the bottle of Chocolate Port and after consuming a bottle of champagne, a bottle of red and a bottle of Chocolate Port we finished the evening with pure unadulterated drunken SEX!

And once again fell asleep in each others arms.

It was the best birthday EVER!

Monday, January 22, 2007

Karma is a BITCH!

Charlie told me something over the weekend that he has never told me before.

The week before I learnt of the affair I became very ill. I had a severe infection through my lymph system and nearly faced surgery. I was in a hell of alot of pain and as a consequence could not eat or get out of bed.

So I lost some weight!

Once I got better, and seemed to take an eternity, I decided to keep going on the weight loss journey and have managed to lose a substantial amount of weight, doubling what I lost through the illness.

I have dropped 3 dress sizes and I feel fantastic! Everyone comments on my new figure, not that I was ever really big before.

Well it has been a real bugger that I had to go shopping and buy myself a new wardrobe of clothes, but I have completed my mission and have managed to pick up some absolutely gorgeous clothes.

So I bet you are asking where Karma fits into it?

Well Charlie told me that whilst I was losing all my weight the Mistress was actually gaining a significant amount of weight.

I guess she wanted was mine so she has it now, only I don't think this was what she bargained on!

I wonder if she needs any new clothes as I have a HUGE pile ready to donate to charity that no longer fit me.

Karma is a bitch!

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

"Tell mummy about your new friends"

So you took the kids out this week and spent some one on one time with them whilst I was at work.

How fucking noble of you.

Did you use this chance to catch up with the Mistress like you did once before? Remember the time you took our children to a local tourist attraction whilst I slept after a night shift?

I do. I will never forget. I believed you were thinking of me and being a wonderful dad and husband. I never even questioned you, but recall kissing you and thanking you for being so thoughtful. How fucking naïve was I?

You had arranged to meet the mistress at that location with her children. Was this part of your plan, grooming the children so the sudden shock did not impact them when you moved in with her? After all you weren’t moving in with a stranger because they had met this woman, hadn't they? They already knew her and their new step sister and step brother. Don’t tell me, you only had the kids’ best interests in mind, didn’t you?

And did you enjoy coming home and telling me that they had met some new friends? “Tell mummy about your new friends.” You even told me their ‘new friends’ names. Did that feel good rubbing it in my face?

Here I was thinking you were such a wonderful daddy and husband, thinking of me so I could sleep after coming off night shift and wanting to spend some quality time with your children.

And all the while it was to get another hit, to fill that urgent desire to feed your addiction. Had it been one of the weeks where you had not seen her and you were suffering from withdrawal symptoms, desperate for your next hit?

And now, months after this event, I am the one that is racked with consuming thoughts through the simple fatherly act of you taking the children out whilst I am at work. It leads me into despair deep enough to make me feel nauseous.

Does the affair continue? Is this another of your secret meetings? Or are you already out looking for the next one and using your children as a tool? How appealing would that be to all those ‘single and looking’ females at the same place, a committed father that is taking his kids out on his own to a local attraction?

How pathetic have I become that I question your motive for spending quality time with your children? Are you happy with the monster that you have created?

Do you like this being that is now me, a former shadow of herself? How on earth could you possibly like such a person? Why on earth would you love this creature that stands before you?

I hope you are happy with the new me, because I can’t stand to look at her in the mirror. I can't stand the suspicious mind, the lingering doubt, the distrust, the unanswered questions.

There are times when I look at you and hate you. I hate you for treating me the way you treat me and for doing what you did. But then I realise I created the monster within you, because I allowed you to treat me the way you did.

I put up with it. I allowed you to get away with it. I gave you chance after chance. I accepted your lies. I accepted your selfish behaviour. I accepted being second best to everything else that was in your life.

I was the fool that set the precedent.

Well guess what Charlie? Not anymore!


Monday, January 15, 2007

Fear of the unknown

I love shopping! I am a shopaholic! I am addicted to searching for that absolute bargain that you simply have to purchase or the absolutely gorgeous outfit and matching pair of shoes, or the perfect painting for the living room wall.

Charlie and I went shopping over the weekend to the major shopping centre in our local area, the same shopping centre that I have been going to for the last 8 years, the same shopping centre that I know the location of every business, bank, service and bathroom, the same shopping centre that houses my jeweller, beautician and hairdresser, the same shopping centre where I do both my personal banking and business banking, the same shopping centre Charlie and I do our grocery shopping.

Many of the business owners and customer service people know me by name. They see me and they ask how I am. They ask how my children are by name. Even the lady at the major chain store that checks bags as you leave knows my name!

And yet for some reason, whilst shopping with Charlie and our children, I felt so uncomfortable walking around that centre. Suddenly I could not wait to get out of the very shopping centre that has seen many lunches and coffees with friends, laughs and smiles with my husband and children, and many special gifts purchased for family and friends.

As Charlie and I sat in the food court with our children and ate lunch, I kept scanning the food court. I did not understand at the time what it was that I was looking for. But I suddenly realised what it was and nearly choked on a mouthful of food.

I was fearful of running into the Mistress.

She really has no reason to be in this shopping centre as she lives on the other side of town. However, I would not be at all surprised that her obsession would bring her shopping to my local centre in the hope of running into me or Charlie.

At first I did not know why I was fearful of running into her because she does not frighten me. I was trying to work out why I was fearful when it suddenly dawned on me.

I was afraid of the unknown.

I was afraid because I did not know how I would react to her if indeed I did run into her.

Would I acknowledge her? Would I even recognise her? Would I simply walk away? Would I be overcome with emotion? Would I react in a negative way due to the emotion? Or would I just keep my head held high like I have all along whilst dealing with the Mistress’ irrational and unnecessary behaviour?

How would she react? How would Charlie react? How would they react toward each other?

It saddens me to think that something I enjoyed and loved has now become tainted because of a tainted love.

It sickens me to know that I am the person that pays everyday when merely carrying out everyday things such as shopping.

It pains me to have to feel so much pain for crimes that I did not commit.

I wonder if I will ever be able to wander aimlessly through a shopping centre again, my mind totally free from these consuming thoughts.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

"Push me higher Daddy!"

As the sun streams through the bright blue sky scattered with huge white fluffy clouds, the swing in the park silently hangs from its metal frame, awaiting the attention of an innocent child.

The little girl runs excitedly over to the swing, looking back with her big blue eyes and curly blonde hair blowing freely in the gentle breeze, at her adoring father who is several paces behind.

And as she climbs up onto the weathered seat, she squeals excitedly “Push me Daddy. Push me.”

The little girl’s doting dad lovingly grants her request and pushes her. The smile on the little girls face brightens the day even more as her squeals of delight fill the air.

“Push me higher Daddy! Push me higher!”

And once again the little girl’s dad grants her request and pushes her higher into the sky, laughing and joking about the possibility of her flying off into the clouds with the birds.

As the swing is pushed higher into the air, she feels weightless and carefree, totally uninhibited, with not a care in the world. Nothing can stop her feeling of euphoria. She is floating in mid air, flying up to the clouds, looking down onto the world in a surreal dream. She feels the breeze blowing effortlessly through her hair and arches her body, leaning back on the swing to soak in the dizzy feeling created by closing her eyes.

And without warning the little girl cries out to her dad .....

“Stop. I want to get off. I've had enough.”